Am I in a relationship with the “right person”?

During a seminar, a woman asked a common question.
She said, “How do I know if I married the right person?”
I noticed that there was a man sitting next to her so I said,
“It depends. Is that your husband?” In all seriousness, she answered “How do you know?”
Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it’s weighing on your mind.

Here’s the answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.
Falling in love with your spouse wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s called “falling” in love…
Because it’s happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, “I was swept of my feet.” Think about the imagery of that __expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.
Falling is love is easy. It’s a passive and spontaneous experience.
But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It’s the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.
The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage! , you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage..

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, “Did I marry the right person?” And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.
Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I’m not saying that you couldn’t fall in love with someone else. You could.
And TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But you’d be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It’ll NEVER just happen to you. You can’t “find” LASTING love. You have to “make” it day in and day out. That’s why we have the __expression “the labor of love.”
Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It’s a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable… you can “make” love.
Love in marriage is indeed a “decision”… Not just a feeling.

No one falls in love by choice, it is by CHANCE.
No one stays in love by chance, it is by WORK.
And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by choice.

Source: Unknown

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Live, love and appreciate - Gitte Falkenberg Your relationship with your self determines your relationship with others, Dr. Phillip McGraw Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair. Your relationships are dertamined by your lifestyle, Dr. Phillip McGraw Who do I love the most right now What am I most happy about What am I most grateful for


5 thoughts on “Am I in a relationship with the “right person”?

  1. hi my name is neelam and i’m in a relationship with a man,but i’m not sure that his a right for me or not,on 19 of march its was his brother birthday and he take his X-GIRLFRIEND with hem.his play with my feeling or his with me because of money,how i can know,that he love me,anyone can say i love you,do he love me.

    • Hi Neelam.

      You are very right. Anyone can say “I Love You”. But words can be just that. Words.

      What tells you if your boyfriend loves you, is he’s actions. Not his words.
      Does he show respect and shows his love.

      If a person loves an other person, they wish the best for him/her. They love to see the loved one happy. And for that reason, their actions work to reach that goal.

      I would suggest, that you have a talk with your boyfriend. Tell him that his actions hurts you. If needed, guide him a little by giving gentle suggestions to what would make you happy.

      If you, after some time, don’t feel that he’s responding well, and starts treating you as a respectful person, then this man probably is not for you.

      But don’t ever doubt. Your man is out there. And the happiness a great relationship can bring, is absolutely worth fighting for. And looking for. 🙂

  2. This has really captured my attention because the is the question i am asking myself right now. I appreciate the views of the author, but I tend to have difficulties in understanding the statement, ‘THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT’S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.
    If the person you found is always causing problems in the relationship (extramarital affairs, allowing too much interference of the in-laws, neglecting his/her responsibilities as a husband/wife and so on) then it becomes difficult to love that person. At the end you learn to hate the person you once loved.

    SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It’ll NEVER just happen to you. You can’t “find” LASTING love. You have to “make” it day in and day out. That’s why we have the __expression “the labor of love.”
    I tend to disagree with the above statement because it contradicts the law of nature – where it states that nature does not labour or put any effort, for instance, the sun does not struggle to rise and set, nor the river is struggling to flow. Why then do we have to labour to get worthwhile results. I think that if things were naturally ordained to come your way or happen in your life, it will without any effort on your part.
    My observation: the more you struggle the more you will fail, and if you achieve it will not last longer or make you happy.

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